Not so jokey.

"It's okay if I'm a bit unstable"

"I don't care if I am in denial, it's a mild syndrome"

 

Time for a good old rant, because oh my god I need it and I need to stop putting my shit on other people for a change. The past couple of weeks have been quite difficult, I had some unpleasant anxiety to begin with as a side effect of my medication and in turn, my doctor took me off all medication.

So I have slowly unravelled which has been unpleasant for my nearest and dearest I imagine.

I hate having put so much on those that I love and those closest to me. In fact it was only a couple of weeks ago I was writing about being in a state of recovery and what recovery actually is. It even got published, see link below.

Here

At this point I just feel like I'm full of shit and my words are of no use to anyone; as I'm full of shit. I've been in and out of relapse all year nearly, been hospitalized, in respite. Informed to use the skills that no longer  work.
I'm also moving, so after my review last Thursday, they still couldn't put me back on medication and it's upto my new GP to do that, whenever they have time to register me and see me.

Then there's the weeks it'll take for the medication to get in my system.

I'm tired of the fight now. I'm exhausted. I do have a few incredibly supportive people and many people have offered for me to talk to them but it's not easy, I feel like a drain on everyone.

I don't know what purpose this will serve, maybe I'll hope someone sees this and reassures me, lets me know everything will be fine. I just need help and I can't get it for a few days, not ideal.