Rock bottom, is that you? Perhaps it's the stench of my body odor.

When being ill fucks up your life, don't do what I'm about to do. It's looking like I've fucked up the job offer I'd had. Not a good feeling - in fact, in it's the fucking worst. So what am I going to do? I'll give up. I'll do absolutely fuck all. Which is unrealistic and I'll hate it but maybe I'm not worth anything after all. Work is fulfilling, as is being able to contribute to the household. Nothing would make me happier, but there's no guarantee my.. disorder, wouldn't flare up whilst at work. I know I am really good at what I do and how devoted to it I am. But people don't know how to take me as I'm somewhat unconventional as a person.

I sometimes love myself; perhaps a little too much. The majority of the time however, I absolutely loathe myself. I overthink. Like maybe I blame my illness too much, maybe being unwell isn't the issue and I'm the problem. I'm so close to reaching my breaking point again, it's fucking insane. I'm sick of reaching this point over and over and over again. I've not showered for the second day in a row. Today is my third day of wearing the same attire. I fucking stink. But I'm past caring #lovemesomeselfneglect.

So for today, I give up. However, no one should take the same shitty path I intend to if things don't work out. Keep trying, keep pushing forward and someone (me) believes in you.

That is all. Perhaps it's time for a depression nap.