*insert clickbaity title*
Slightly different to usual. Showing how my physical health affects my mental health. Happy reading.
Endometriosis; a condition in which tissue grows outside of the womb that acts like womb lining. This causes a vast array of symptoms such as painful periods, heavy bleeding, pain during intercourse and can lead to women having issues with infertility. That's not all of the symptoms, just some.
In 2014, at 19 years old I was diagnosed with this condition after a variety of other investigations prior to having a laparoscopy (keyhole surgery). I had ultrasounds, examinations, swabs and was even fobbed off for 3 years by health professionals (my GP's bad, I had to fight 3 years for gyne input).
Throughout this time I had a lot of issues with bleeding, leaking, irregular periods, a great deal of pain amongst other things.
I remember my surgeon telling me if there was no endo (abbreviation for endometriosis) I'd only wake up with a couple of scars. So as soon as I came to, I lifted my gown and found 4 dressings covering 4 different incisions. I was devastated but hopeful that I'd maybe feel better since they did some other things whilst in there, such as removing the tissue that shouldn't have been there.
Fast forward to my post op follow up, the doctors confirmed I do have endometriosis but I was now on treatment for this. It took a while but I recovered and enjoyed 2-3 months mostly symptom free. I was so happy.
Unfortunately symptoms returned and I had to push for further treatment, such as zoladex injections which temporarily placed me in the menopause... At the age of 20 (they weren't keen about doing this due to the risks of osteoporosis). Unpleasant but again it provided some relief.
2 years on, I was still symptomatic and under investigation in further departments; as endo grows outside of the womb, it can grow elsewhere, in the bowels for example. I tried my best to function but still had days I struggled, mostly cyclical. In 2016 I had my second surgery. More endo, wonderful (this delight is incurable, just treatable).
Fast forward another 2 years, I have still struggled immensely with pain. I rarely seek help for it and try to help myself, as I know I have endo. The pain is no longer exclusively cyclical and flares up when it suits it.
The last few days I've cried a lot, part from pain but mostly due to the emotional effects this condition has on me. I feel like a failure for being unable to do certain things others can do, I worry a lot about my fertility, I worry about leaving it too late to have a baby and the endo robbing me of that, I can't stand being in pain and having no relief from it, I hate burdening other people and being such an emotional wreck because of this. I'm 22 and don't feel it. I feel entirely and wholly dysfunctional. If it's not my mental health disabling me, it's being in pain and it draining my emotions disabling me.
Even if I asked for stronger pain relief which I may, I feel I'd still have the same problem; dysfunctional, as I know it can leave you out of sorts.
Whilst I'm surrounded by loving people, an incredible partner, friends and family at the end of the phone, my quality of life is somewhat pitiful and I find it difficult to not have a little pity party when sometimes all I can do is lay with my hot water bottle and cry, can't get comfortable and can't eat properly due to the nausea the pain and bloating causes.
I'm not sure what the overall point of sharing this was. Maybe just to raise more awareness as there's little awareness to endometriosis. Feel free to share.
Endometriosis; a condition in which tissue grows outside of the womb that acts like womb lining. This causes a vast array of symptoms such as painful periods, heavy bleeding, pain during intercourse and can lead to women having issues with infertility. That's not all of the symptoms, just some.
In 2014, at 19 years old I was diagnosed with this condition after a variety of other investigations prior to having a laparoscopy (keyhole surgery). I had ultrasounds, examinations, swabs and was even fobbed off for 3 years by health professionals (my GP's bad, I had to fight 3 years for gyne input).
Throughout this time I had a lot of issues with bleeding, leaking, irregular periods, a great deal of pain amongst other things.
I remember my surgeon telling me if there was no endo (abbreviation for endometriosis) I'd only wake up with a couple of scars. So as soon as I came to, I lifted my gown and found 4 dressings covering 4 different incisions. I was devastated but hopeful that I'd maybe feel better since they did some other things whilst in there, such as removing the tissue that shouldn't have been there.
Fast forward to my post op follow up, the doctors confirmed I do have endometriosis but I was now on treatment for this. It took a while but I recovered and enjoyed 2-3 months mostly symptom free. I was so happy.
Unfortunately symptoms returned and I had to push for further treatment, such as zoladex injections which temporarily placed me in the menopause... At the age of 20 (they weren't keen about doing this due to the risks of osteoporosis). Unpleasant but again it provided some relief.
2 years on, I was still symptomatic and under investigation in further departments; as endo grows outside of the womb, it can grow elsewhere, in the bowels for example. I tried my best to function but still had days I struggled, mostly cyclical. In 2016 I had my second surgery. More endo, wonderful (this delight is incurable, just treatable).
Fast forward another 2 years, I have still struggled immensely with pain. I rarely seek help for it and try to help myself, as I know I have endo. The pain is no longer exclusively cyclical and flares up when it suits it.
The last few days I've cried a lot, part from pain but mostly due to the emotional effects this condition has on me. I feel like a failure for being unable to do certain things others can do, I worry a lot about my fertility, I worry about leaving it too late to have a baby and the endo robbing me of that, I can't stand being in pain and having no relief from it, I hate burdening other people and being such an emotional wreck because of this. I'm 22 and don't feel it. I feel entirely and wholly dysfunctional. If it's not my mental health disabling me, it's being in pain and it draining my emotions disabling me.
Even if I asked for stronger pain relief which I may, I feel I'd still have the same problem; dysfunctional, as I know it can leave you out of sorts.
Whilst I'm surrounded by loving people, an incredible partner, friends and family at the end of the phone, my quality of life is somewhat pitiful and I find it difficult to not have a little pity party when sometimes all I can do is lay with my hot water bottle and cry, can't get comfortable and can't eat properly due to the nausea the pain and bloating causes.
I'm not sure what the overall point of sharing this was. Maybe just to raise more awareness as there's little awareness to endometriosis. Feel free to share.
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